I thought I would give an update before I go to my
appointment today. I normally have my next doctors appointment on day 12, 13,
or 14. The problem with that this month is that my day 12 fell on a Friday,
which is a day my doctor does not do Interuterine Insemination (IUI). Thursday
would have been too early plus I was on vacation all last week anyway
(celebrating my 2nd anniversary, yay!). So we had to schedule my
appointment for today which is my day 15. This means that I will go in and have
another sonogram of my ovaries to look for a follicle, we may not have one
because I might have already ovulated. If I haven’t ovulated then we will have
another IUI. Let me add that I am struggling to have a positive outlook because
this cycle had a rough start. I almost forgot to even start my Chlomid and I
had to get it filled at the last minute and take it. I also missed a day of
Chlomid on vacation and I just finished it anyway. I also missed some doses of
my Metphormin while out of my routine. So it might just be a small miracle that
I even had a follicle this month.
So we will see what happens when we get there.
So the other thoughts on my mind are of how you decide to
keep going, take a break, or stop all together. When trying to plan ahead, in
case this month is not productive, I counted my days and it should fall once
again on a weekend. Would I take them meds again? pay for more appointments?
take a month off?… That’s when more mind games come into play and you start
questioning yourself. “What if it that would be the month it worked?,” “But, it
might get my body out of whack if I don’t.,” ”Maybe I should give up all
together.,” “People do this for years, maybe I’m rushing it too much.,” and a
hundred other thoughts. It feels at times that the two lobes of my brain are
playing a tug-a-war. We are exploring other options but our next steps would
cost around $20,000 so while trying to pray and get a definite answer, we are
still trying I guess. I still do not feel like my husband and I have made any
definite decisions. We are just making decisions as they arise. I kmow that the
only way to feel completely at peace and resolved with a decision is to know
that it is what God wants. There are times that I think I know where he is
leading me but then I am afraid that I am projecting my thoughts into it. It is
really hard to let go and not to second guess things.
A little warning: please do not comment or send me a msg
saying that the minute I stop trying, it will happen. If it is a comment
similar to that, please do not post either. I hit my quota on the amount of
comments that I can just smile and bite my tongue and not reply with a smart
comment. People should be more aware of what they say. J
Love you.
ReplyDelete