Seeing Spots

Spots…Spots…..Spots. I hate to see them appear each month. Seeing them means that the IUI (Interuterine Insemination) didn’t work and that the great womanly curse will be upon you in just a day or two. It also means that you have to report the news to your husband and see the sadness and disappointment on his face while you try to act like its ok and your not upset because you would stay a hot mess and look like a nut case if you cried every time you felt sad, hurt, or disappointed by the process, because underneath it all, the process brings you nothing but sadness and hurt at times.

Needless to say, the sixth time wasn’t the charm and we will be starting the cycle all over again. So today would be my day 1. I will go fill my Chlomid prescription tomorrow, call the doctor’s office and make my day 12 appointment, start Chlomid on day 3 and take it through day 8 along with my daily medications he has me taking, then wait for my appointment on day 12… The kink in the plans this month is that I started a day early so now my IUI appt. will fall on Friday the 20^th (We usually schedule it on day 12-14.) and I will be out of town that day.  I will only be able to go in on Monday the 23^rd, which would be my day 15, and we run the risk of having ovulated and being unable to have IUI done that day. So....We shall see if I get to schedule an appt. or if we will have to take a month off.

With that being said, I guess I know what will be in my prayers again tonight. First, that His will be done and that I will honor His plans and secondly to give me a clear mind and peace so that I may sleep because I can “over think” ANYTHING! I will also give thanks that though this seems like a monumental struggle in my life (at this moment), it is NOTHING in comparison to monumental struggles others live with daily. I am determined not to let this place me at odds with God. I am blessed and have many things in which to be thankful!