Better than I thought

We got better news than expected yesterday. I had not ovulated yet and two follicles were seen, so we went ahead with another Interuterine insemination (IUI). When the doctor came in to do the procedure, he said that the specimen seemed to have more “swimmers” in it than in the past. That was really good news! I’m hoping that the pills we have my husband on are helping (It said it could take 3 months to show any change and it has only been a month and a half so I might schedule him another analysis once he has been on it longer to see for sure.). The doctor also said that if I didn’t get pregnant this month then he would increase my dosage of Chlomid. With that news, I have a little hope so I guess if I’m not pregnant this time then I will give it another try next month.  

Wondering what my day will hold...

I thought I would give an update before I go to my appointment today. I normally have my next doctors appointment on day 12, 13, or 14. The problem with that this month is that my day 12 fell on a Friday, which is a day my doctor does not do Interuterine Insemination (IUI). Thursday would have been too early plus I was on vacation all last week anyway (celebrating my 2^nd anniversary, yay!). So we had to schedule my appointment for today which is my day 15. This means that I will go in and have another sonogram of my ovaries to look for a follicle, we may not have one because I might have already ovulated. If I haven’t ovulated then we will have another IUI. Let me add that I am struggling to have a positive outlook because this cycle had a rough start. I almost forgot to even start my Chlomid and I had to get it filled at the last minute and take it. I also missed a day of Chlomid on vacation and I just finished it anyway. I also missed some doses of my Metphormin while out of my routine. So it might just be a small miracle that I even had a follicle this month.  So we will see what happens when we get there.

So the other thoughts on my mind are of how you decide to keep going, take a break, or stop all together. When trying to plan ahead, in case this month is not productive, I counted my days and it should fall once again on a weekend. Would I take them meds again? pay for more appointments? take a month off?… That’s when more mind games come into play and you start questioning yourself. “What if it that would be the month it worked?,” “But, it might get my body out of whack if I don’t.,” ”Maybe I should give up all together.,” “People do this for years, maybe I’m rushing it too much.,” and a hundred other thoughts. It feels at times that the two lobes of my brain are playing a tug-a-war. We are exploring other options but our next steps would cost around $20,000 so while trying to pray and get a definite answer, we are still trying I guess. I still do not feel like my husband and I have made any definite decisions. We are just making decisions as they arise. I kmow that the only way to feel completely at peace and resolved with a decision is to know that it is what God wants. There are times that I think I know where he is leading me but then I am afraid that I am projecting my thoughts into it. It is really hard to let go and not to second guess things.

A little warning: please do not comment or send me a msg saying that the minute I stop trying, it will happen. If it is a comment similar to that, please do not post either. I hit my quota on the amount of comments that I can just smile and bite my tongue and not reply with a smart comment. People should be more aware of what they say. J

Seeing Spots

Spots…Spots…..Spots. I hate to see them appear each month. Seeing them means that the IUI (Interuterine Insemination) didn’t work and that the great womanly curse will be upon you in just a day or two. It also means that you have to report the news to your husband and see the sadness and disappointment on his face while you try to act like its ok and your not upset because you would stay a hot mess and look like a nut case if you cried every time you felt sad, hurt, or disappointed by the process, because underneath it all, the process brings you nothing but sadness and hurt at times.

Needless to say, the sixth time wasn’t the charm and we will be starting the cycle all over again. So today would be my day 1. I will go fill my Chlomid prescription tomorrow, call the doctor’s office and make my day 12 appointment, start Chlomid on day 3 and take it through day 8 along with my daily medications he has me taking, then wait for my appointment on day 12… The kink in the plans this month is that I started a day early so now my IUI appt. will fall on Friday the 20^th (We usually schedule it on day 12-14.) and I will be out of town that day.  I will only be able to go in on Monday the 23^rd, which would be my day 15, and we run the risk of having ovulated and being unable to have IUI done that day. So....We shall see if I get to schedule an appt. or if we will have to take a month off.

With that being said, I guess I know what will be in my prayers again tonight. First, that His will be done and that I will honor His plans and secondly to give me a clear mind and peace so that I may sleep because I can “over think” ANYTHING! I will also give thanks that though this seems like a monumental struggle in my life (at this moment), it is NOTHING in comparison to monumental struggles others live with daily. I am determined not to let this place me at odds with God. I am blessed and have many things in which to be thankful!

The hub's diagnosis

     At one of my appointments in October 2011, my doctor first mentioned that we might want my husband tested just to make sure there were no issues and we could rule him out. Well, November came and my doctor ordered Jeremy to have his first semen analysis done. His first analysis was done on November 23rd and I got a copy to fax to my doctor. Just looking at the results myself, and some googling, I knew it didn't look too good. I received a call from my doctor's nurse saying that we needed to see a urologist.  We made an appointment for the first week of December.
     We left our first appointment so deflated and confused. My husband's sperm concentration was 4.6 million per millimeter where as it should be greater than 20 million per millimeter. There are four categories for sperm movement. In the top category (rapid progression motility/A) he had 0% where you need greater than 25%. He also had 0% in the slow progression motility category(B). He had 45.7% in the non-progression motility category(C) meaning that the sperm moves its tail but does not progress or swim forward. In the final category (immotility/D) he had 54.3% that did not moved at all. The doctor asked us if he had previously had a vasectomy or had it reversed. Well, that answer was no. He also asked if he had had any trauma to that area of his body and that answer was a no as well. The doctor also mentioned that he might have antibodies that attack his sperm and treat them as a foreign matter. He said that he would not make any conclusions from just one analysis but if results from future testing stayed the same then we would only be able to conceive through In Vitro Fertilization with Intrasytoplasmic Sperm Injection (IVF with ICSI) or we would need to consider adoption. Of course we asked if there was anything we could do to help improve the results. He said that some doctors place their patients on Chlomid but that there was weak research and he did not like to place his patients on Chlomid. We didn't receive much advice to help in that area. He ordered another analysis for the following week andd the diagnosis of Oliospermia was written on his receipt.
     December 9th was his next analysis and blood work was done to test his FSH, LH, Testosterone, and PCT levels.  I could not wait to open that envelope to see if there was any difference. We felt slight relief when his concentration doubled to 8M/mil. He also had 11.3% in the category A and 5% in category B for motility. It may not have been a vast improvement but at least we had sperm that were actually swimming! He also did not have any major red flags come back on his blood work. His next appointment was a little more hopeful and we were told to try on our own following my doctor's instruction for six months but he would need another sperm analysis done in 3 months since it takes about that long to produce new sperm. He did say that we needed to stick to the ovulation calender and we would only need to try every other day during the fertile time in order for him to replenish his sperm.
     In the meantime, we kept trying and had started Interuterine Insemination (IUI). During my spring break, we had a third analysis. The results provided us another dip in the roller coaster we had been riding. His concentration had fallen back to 4.9M/ml and he only had 6.1% in motility categories A and B. Also during this time, his doctor scheduled him for a testicular sonogram in order to check for a Varicocele, but it did not show anything of concern.
     Currently, he needs another appointment with his urologist, but I have decided to self treat him for a couple more months before we go back. Two weeks ago, I was talking with a co-worker and she said that she and her husband had similar trouble conceiving their first child and her husband was placed on multiple medications from the doctor and it took a long time but she finally conceived. Well, now pregnant with her second child, she told me the what her husband had researched and found ever the counter supplements and he took them almost 6 months before they conceived their second child. She said it might not work for us but it was worth a shot. So I called GNC to see if they had the vitamins in stock, and when Jeremiah woke up that afternoon, I had it already in a medicine dispenser for him to take. He is taking fertility blend for men, vitamin d, a multivitamin, l-arginine, l-carnitine, and other vitamins he just normally takes. Fertility Blend for Men states that it takes 3 months to see results so after he has been on it a few months, I may make his appointment and get another analysis to see if it has helped in anyway.

My diagnosis

     Starting in my mid to late 20s, I had a time where I stopped having a menstrual cycle. This first time it lasted about 9 months. I just waited to address the issue until my yearly because I was moving and it takes forever to book an appointment in our town! So when my yearly visit rolled around, I expressed my concern but she thought it might be due to a small weight gain (I have always been a big girl though.). They gave me a prescription that I took for a number of days to force my body into menstruating and then made me a follow up appointment to place me on birth control to possibly correct the issue. So I started my birth control and stayed on it from there on out. I resumed what seemed to be a normal cycle for a some time but then stopped again.

     At another yearly, I voiced my concerned and explained additional symptoms such as the darkening skin in the mustache region, the hot flashes, etc. I told people all the time I thought I had hit menopause. I asked if they were in any way related to each other and if my hormones were all messed up. My doctor said that it could be from the birth control or something else and we would only be able to find out by me getting off of birth control for a while and then get some testing done.  She also said that if I was okay with not having a cycle then she was too. Considering it was about two weeks before my wedding, I was okay with it and thought it might be my luck that it was the birth control and I was not wanting a honeymoon baby.

     About 7 months into our marriage,  we had casually chatted about babies and when we might want one. So that January, knowing that I might have some trouble, I took my last round of birth control. We wanted to see if it was possibly birth control causing it and if we happened to get pregnant then we would just be parents that much sooner. Well, February came and so did my cycle so relief came over me. Maybe nothing was wrong. It didn't last long though. It went on hiatus again. As it was getting closer to another yearly check up, I decided that I needed to change my doctor. I would be ready for children soon and wanted to start working toward that goal. I called and made my first appointment with a doctor near us that is "known" by lots of my friends to help those that struggle having children.

     That first appointment was a year ago this month and by that time I had been without a cycle for almost two years. After reviewing my medical history, answering multiple questions, blood test, and sonograms of my uterus and ovaries. I was diagnosed the Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) with insulin resistance. I can't remember how many follicles were in both ovaries but I know I had 31 in just one of them. I had high triglycerides, high LDL cholesterol. I needed to watch my blood pressure and sugar levels. I left the doctor's office with numerous copies of articles he reviewed with me, a note to take so many units of vitamin D and folic acid daily, a prescription for Metformin, and my next appointment for October.

     As my appointment was approaching, I was hopeful for a good report considering the nasty side effects I had been living with from the Metformin. The good news came. My ovaries were no longer full of follicles! Now I would come back for a sonogram on day 12 of my cycle to see if I had produced a follicle to ovulate. I had only lost six pounds though and he increased my Metformin to 3 times daily. On day 12, I had another sonogram and had produced a follicle to ovulate. We were sent home with instructions to try for the next few days and make sure to elevate my butt for 15 to 20 after each try. 

    The only thing I changed in November, was the addition of Chlomid to help me ovulate. This is still what I am following till now. I did take a break during December and January due to Jeremy's diagnosis and have continued every month since February(2012). We also started Interuterine Insemination (IUI) then as well and have done it 6 times. We will find out in about another week or so if the 6th time is the charm!

A little intro for the strangers...

For those of you who do not know me, let me quickly introduce myself. I am a 31 year old special education teacher from a small community in Mississippi. I am a wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I met my husband in the fall of 2007. We were engaged in February of 2010 and married in July of the same year. He is the best husband I could have ever asked for. He definitely has his work cut out for him because I can be a lot to handle! :) I'm glad he was willing to accept the challenge and thankful that God gave him such a loving heart and an endless supply of patience. He works as medical technologist in an area hospital and helps me raise two stinking dogs that we adopted from the humane society.